Sometimes I wish that....

Time would stand still…..

So that I could hold on to some fleeting

moments of life and love.

People would disappear…

So that I can be myself and learn

to be me when they are around.

The world would come to an end…

So that we can start afresh

And not bother about the dark past.

We could live and let live…

And trust others to take care of themselves

and them, us.

Here I come!!!

The hours have disappeared coz the days has began,

When you run in the sand, the salt in your hair,

When you go to sleep In the mornings and

The nights are yours to live and live up.

Growing Up

Okie… I was damn scared today…  until now, I was so complacent when it came to my family… used to think that I dint need them or stuff like that….  And so many times I have thought it would have been so awesome if I had an older brother so that I can just be me and not think about responsibilities  …  today it hit me so hard….  When I was reading the admission procedures and stuff and then I had to sign and put the relation as son.. I realized that I really have never been one …

The instrument of MY freedom

I stare at the instrument of MY freedom… a sheer beauty on two wheels… chrome everywhere…  I close my eyes… I see myself flying… faster than a plane ... black clouds beneath me… whizzing at the speed of thought…. I feel the wind in my hair… I feel my face melting... I am blind...   rushing towards my destiny......towards the one place where ill be glad to be in… I think of all the ppl who care abt me..and I pity them, for they pass like a flash.. Faster than I thought they would… I think of all things I could have done… and I shed a quiet tear... To think of what I could have done.. I touch the empty space in front of me.. as I am hurtling towards space.. And I feel a sharp pain through my consciousness... I am surprised... I thought I was numb... I know I am numb… I scream…  a scream of happiness…  happiness from bein away from all the things that try to bind me… relationships.. friends… faith… desires… thoughts… and they cant touch me… no one can.. I am invincible… I always was… only they never knew… I would prolly have thought why… why does it bother them… why would it bother anyone?!  And then I know!! They don’t have anything to do…. do I have anything to do?? Did I have anything to do? Yes! I wanted to live! And I wanted to live my life! Not one dictated by rules made for others.. by others…. I wanted to be myself!  Why cant everyone just be themselves? If they were, they wudn care abt me..  they wudn care abt  anyone else… they wud live.. and they wud not just exist!

I cud have never survived! I feel alive now.. when I am running.. I can feel sumthin again! And this time, it brings me happiness… for I can feel the warmth in the cold droplets of water falling over me… it doesn make any difference.. I am blind… yet I have never had a clearer vision..  I see my friend.. Struggling… struggling to accept his gift.. a gift -  his life..  which probably brought happiness. to many people.. made him miserable.. if it ws a gift… shouldn he be happy? if its  a gift,  shouldn he have the right to refuse it.. can he return it back if its not the exact configuration he wanted…? oh he doesn have to… he goes to ppl to modify it.. he gets it .. and he wants an other thing..  its worse than a treadmill…

I also see a flower.. it blooms.. it lives.. it fades away.. I want to fade away.. but I havent lived… I don want to fade away without living..  and I knw wat it is… to live.. I tell ppl abt it all the time…

it all comes back to me in a rush… I know this will end.. when I open my eyes.. I don want to end.. I feel safe.. I want it to end.. ill feel safer.. I open them.. and the clarity disappears.. I am blinder than ever before.. all I see is sum sham.. I want it all back.. I want EVERYTHIN!!

I stare at the instrument of my freedom… a sheer beauty on two wheels… chrome everywhere…  I take the plunge… … I see myself flying… faster than a plane ... black clouds beneath me… whizzing at the speed of thought…. I feel the wind in my hair… I feel my face melting... I am blind...   rushing towards my destiny......towards the one place where ill be glad to be in… I see the end.. and I have never felt so alive!! I have done what I wanted to! I am alive! I can feel it.. it’s the elixer of life.. I plunge toward my destiny.. and ill live forever..

lol.. okie. this last one is totally random....

he sits on the chair, staring at his screen,
Wishing that the hours would give up
Their hold over him, so that
he can run like the wind,
Chase his dreams and listen to his heart.

The Quest

He walks and he walks…
Looking into people’s eyes,
Searching their souls, not knowing for what
And it refuses to go, The hollow
which he seeks to fill.

He walks and he walks…
Into the clouds, in no man’s land,
He is alone, he is not lonely,
For he has found the path
In his quest for destiny.

He smiles when he sleeps,
His fists unclenched, his sword
Sheathed. the rays of the moon
Keeps him warm and the stone his pillow,
And he dreams his dream, of immortality.

Bathed in the sunlight, he knows
That the time has come. He has to go,
To fulfill his destiny. The sword bared,
The shield thrown behind, he plunges
Headlong into the sea of pricks.

Here's why you can't find Him

he don’t want you to know,
he don’t want to be seen,
comfortable, hidden in his own world, and
yet searching, for the same people you seek.

Trekking to Himalayas

The best trek of my life so far. And also the toughest.

Please Help!!

I have a friend who is doing her B TECH Computer Science and is in her Third Year. And the placements would start in January I guess. With the recession and the hiring freeze in the IT Companies , all of them are pretty worried.

Can you please help her with the following: ( From your experience as an engineering student )

What are the things that she needs to be prepared for a placement interview.

What are the current sectors in the IT industry or generally, which offer good job prospects.

Any personal advice in terms of preparation from your experience?

and any contacts that you have in the field ( TCS, WIPRO, INFOSYS, CTS, .. anything... ) who may be able to guide her...


Thanks in advance... Please forward this to your contacts if you have to..

Gopal

spacin out...

Have you ever felt everything around you slowing down.. going so slow that if a bullet was fired, you could see it coming toward you, or if you blew some smoke, you could make a million designs before it disappeared..
when all you can make out of an oncoming car are its lights and blurred a motion..
When your head is in a tailspin but you sit motionless, frozen .. when a small bite of mars taste better than the best woman you have been with…
When you have an always on lopsided lazy smile and blank eyes.. when you can't hear a thing around you. your head taking you to the wildest places you have never been to alternating between darkness and flashes of light.
And when you lie down, your body feels like its tumbling down a hill, its insides churning you like one would wring a cloth dry, but you don't move an inch... you can't move an inch..
When you feel soooo light that you can swear that you can fly like a bird , and your brain would believe it.
When the road seems endless and goes on and on and on …. When you can't trust yourself to think beyond the next curve, forcing your head to focus, but it refuses to do so for more than three seconds.
When you feel proud that you were able to cross the road without any incident. When you can't trust yourself to speak a word to anyone, or look at anyone, hating with a vengeance , those who would try to strike a conversation, wanting to just be left alone.

All that Noise!!

I hate the noise around me. The stupid jokes, the senseless banter, the mindless conversations... I put up with it as long as possible.. knowing I will have to soon shut it down by plugging my earphones and listening to some sane music… I try to delay it as long as I can… hoping that they would just shut up..

They never do!!

That's what they tell us….

That we need to do what we are told… that rules are there to keep us safe.. that there is judgement day .. that we are being watched all the time… that there is destiny… that there is karma and rebirth… that what goes around comes around… that money is the nirvana of life… that life is full of compromises… that we need to live with incompetancy and dishonesty… that the powerful will always get their way… that there is nothing like a free will.. that being happy is defined by rich, successful and married.. that the only thing certain in life is Death and Taxes..

I said … shut the fuck up.

Homeless...

I wake up on the road side in the middle of the night. Not knowing how I reached there or what I was doing there. Knowing that I was looking for something, someone… searching for myself probably. The only thing comfortable about the spot I was in was my blanket – a blue one , which I buried myself in and tried to sleep again.

I could sense some cycle rickshaws going past me. Saw one with a girl in a burkha. In my half asleep state, I knew she was good looking. She had some bags, so I assumed she is going to the railway station. I also knew that it was around four in the morning and thought it strange that there are so many vehicles at this time of the night. It struck me that anyone who sees me would be surprised that an homeless person on the streets would have such a cozy blanket. I just hid into it and fell asleep.

I woke up with the sun and began to get my bearings. My backpack was a few feet away from me and my Swiss knife with my keys was some distance away. As I was picking the stuff , I realized that a guy was constantly staring at me. I folded my blanket and then I was folding my sheet on which I had laid on the road, when I saw that a little bit of it was in a gutter. I felt disgusted. I dint throw it away though. I began to look for a laundry asking people around.
I had thought this place looked like Mt Road near Spencer’s, but then, there are no cycle rickshaws in Chennai.

I kept walking and came across a weird dispensary – the size of an Igloo. I was thinking that I should have spent the night here when I realized that there was no way of getting into it. As I walked further, I saw a building, some kind of an hostel for women. I saw a servant wrapped in a towel getting inside. As I passed some windows, I saw two women who I thought looked very familiar...

to be cont...

Independence day! - 2008

I am feeling so content now. I just want to keep this sense of peace in a safe corner of my mind coz I know that if I ever get confused or when I am unsure about something that I am going to do, I can count on this feeling of peace to get me out of the toughest of situations or the darkest of hours.
I don’t know if what I plan to do is what I want to do. But I’ll never know for sure unless I take it to the finish. I can never learn from other’s experiences the lessons that my own actions teach me.
I saw the Discover India with Michael Wood series. I liked it. A lot.

Train dilemmas

I like traveling by train. And traveling alone is really nice if you have music, food and books to keep you company. I am still not sure if I prefer first class to sleeper. Its quieter here but I like the feel of the wind and the sight of hawkers on the platform. I guess I like the latter.

Traveling by train also makes me think a lot about my motor home.. I miss it a lot. I wish i could start making it. I don't want to wait till I am older. But I guess I have to. There are sooo many things I have to do. I guess ill make a list and put them up on these pages later.

Come to think of it, sitting and lying down in one place is no fun! Its like being sick in bed with everything within reach,with books and music. And who likes to be sick??!

I am going to try talking to this girl. Lets see how big a loser I am... ;)

I miss cake.. :(

Random everything

Do I like the North or the South? That’s something I guess I can never truthfully answer. The fact that they are so different never ceases to amaze me. I like the South for its quiet and clean environs and I find the organized mess of the North equally fascinating.

The sheer number of people in the North can easily destroy the value of a single human life. So what if 50 people were killed? Would they have done anything had they lived?

That of course is not for me to ask or consider. If I could live my life usefully ( useful to myself ) I would be content.

I did find the food to be too rich. I would have never thought I will not be able to finish a plate of chole bature.

I really want to explore my own country and learn as much I can about its different facets. I want to learn Bengali. I wish I had known about my options when I was younger. Bt is it too late now?

I don’t think so. The best thing about life is that there is another day to complete the tasks ( This is where I justify procrastination )

I wish I could stop procrastinating. Its damn irritating!!

I just can’t give it a name,

To these thoughts that I pen.

I guess sometimes its better

To leave them unsaid.

Parking Space

There are many ways in which your day at work can go wrong.. but I am sure that one of the most common thing that irks one is when you reach your office and find someone else’s vehicle in your parking space.. that’s such a sure shot way of irritating you and laying the stone for a bad day ahead… for the record…. It doesn’t irritate me.. at least not now… this set me thinking on the whole concept of one’s space… we become so possessive about the things that we own.. we like to be in the security of taking things for granted.. And we like sticking to the routine of a familiar life… like a regular restaurant and the same regular menu …

WHY?? How much difference does it really make….? how does it matter if someone else was sleeping on my bed. as long as its empty when I want to sleep… what difference does it make on where I eat and how I eat..? table manners and etiquette be damned…

When we talk about our space…. what is it does we really become possessive about…? its not just your room. Its the toilet.. its the shared system we use at work… its the public transport.. its the reason why companies which “ customize “ your systems sell more.. it’s the reason why holiday packages are customized ( jain food in Europe…!! ) and the regular comforts of a life that you are used to…

why is it difficult for people to let go of these creature comforts… are they really as important as they are portrayed to be… ?

space is abstract and endless. its the mindset of the people that is limited…

and me.. am glad I have this space… and this is all I need.

Rainbow Beach

Whoever said Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away must have been looking at the Rainbow Beach in Dhanushkoti. I don’t know what its real name is, I don’t even think if it has a name, I don’t care if it’s got a name, but for me, it will always be the Rainbow Beach. It is one of the most beautiful beaches I have come across. The tall waves crashing into the white sand and the foam result in a beautiful kaleidoscope of hues that is truly a sight to behold.

The sea and the sky look like they are competing with each other to be the best shade of blue that can be. I never realised until then how much colours affect me, and the fact that blue is my favourite just added to the entire magical experience. How I wish I had a sail boat to tackle those waves!!!

As I stood there and stared at the fury of the sea as wave after wave of colours came toward me, I was glad that this beach had escaped the vulgar exploitation that afflicts some of the best beaches in India. There was not a single soul present there and this small temple with its incomprehensible inscriptions and flowers stood guard over the pristine wonder.

IF there was a place where the Rainbow truly ends, it must be this, and I want to return to it to find my pot of gold!

New Year

What would be a better way to begin the year than sitting on an upturned boat staring at a sea so black that one cannot differentiate between water and sky… The strong wind and the soft sand beneath the feet, nothing but thoughts for company, the comforting security that comes with being alone, and the occasional splash of water makes it the perfect moment. When you have the Air, Water, Earth, Fire and a Joint, everything looks like it did when it was just created…

And as the clock struck Twelve, the sea and the sky became distinguishable, with the skies turning a bright orange thanks to a naval fleet welcoming the year with powerful flares , I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but there at that moment…..